Last time you were in town you nearly got her killed. That’s not going to happen again. – Michael Westen

Oh man, oh man. I-I-I don’t think I can do this. Do I have to…what…no. I-I-I really have to go…can I just…why don’t you just…No. No. Okay, okay, okay. It’s okay. Fine. Michael’s going to be late so I’m…do I have to…okay. I’m Jackson and I’ll be going in a minute, I swear. Michael’s going to be right back.

The Recap

Michael and Fiona have a meeting with her friend to ask about the sniper rifle. What? No. He’s an arms dealer. That’s not good. He’s an arms dealer in the middle of a deal with some angry B-B-Bulgarians and he makes Michael be his bodyguard? That’s really not good. At least they make it out in time, even if watching Fiona drive the Saab to shake off that SUV made me a little woozy. It’s okay. They’re okay.

Michael finally does get Seymour to find out about the gun. Some guy named Bill Johnson. He got the gun and had a nightscope and fiberoptic camera installed. I d-d-don’t even know what that stuff is f-f-for. Guns, violence, it’s not my thing.

But that’s not why I’m even here. I don’t know anything about gun. I know about drugs.

Sam’s friend Virgil is back causing t-t-trouble. His old partner’s daughter runs a clinic and she was shipping anti-virals by b-b-boat and it was hijacked by p-p-pirates. Pirates? On the sea? With guns! It was a million dollars worth of drugs and the kids need it. Michael…he he he doesn’t know how to say no. I would have said no. I’d have said no and been o-o-out of there s-s-so fast her head would spin, but Micheal helps. He’s a helper. I’m not a helper. I’m a runner.

Sam pretends he wants to buy the drugs, but the pirate, Gerard, says they’re already sold. Thanks. I-I-I can see myself out. That’s what I’d say. But Sam keeps trying to find out where they are. So he comes up with a plan. I-I-I have to go inside G-G-Gerard’s crew a-a-and pretend to help them steal fake drugs so I can find where they keep the real drugs. And then it all gets worse when they won’t let me go!

Fiona comes to the b-b-bar and I t-t-tell her I’m not leaving until the drugs are stolen, so Sam and Virgil make fake drugs and put them on a yacht in Michael’s fridge. That thing’s old and couldn’t really keep drugs at the right temperature, but they’re fake so I guess…it’s not too much information about the drugs! Do I tell you how to…no…when you write do I tell you how t-t-to do…this is my life, man! I take them seriously. You’ve got to control the environment or…what? Fine. Fine. No. That’s okay, whatever you want. That’s fine. I’ll continue. You can stop yelling now. I’m going.

I have to pretend to shoot Virgil on the yacht, so I hope he can still hold his, his breath. SEALS can hold it a long time, but he’s not young so, so. He’s okay? He’s okay. Good. We got the drugs and Sam and Fiona follow us to the warehouse, b-b-but it’s huge! There’s no way to find all the, all the other drugs.

But that’s okay. I can take care of it.

I come running to Gerard and, and, and demand my money. I’ve gotta get out of town. Gotta get away. Finley! He-he-he robbed the boat for Chuck Finley! Gerard doesn’t g-g-get it, man. He’s never heard of Chuck Finley. That’s because everyone he’s ever worked with i-i-is dead! “If the devil had a name it would be Chuck Finley!”

We go move the drugs. Fiona calls the cops and Sam drives up in a big truck. I-I-I tell them. I tell them! It’s t-t-too late. Chuck Finley’s here. He’s gotta have the back of his truck filled with guys. We’re dead, man. We’re all dead!

But Michael takes out three guys barehanded while Gerard and his lieutenant are shooting the truck up. Then he b-b-blows it up! And takes the van. But he’s gotta drive safe, not just fast! Those drugs can’t slosh around like that, it’s no good for them!

Police arrest the pirates and Michael returns the drugs to Marcela.

Character Counts

Okay, first off? Let me say that as hard as Jackson must have been for Jeffrey Donovan to play, he was a bitch to write above. Sorry if that was sloppier than funny. It’s not easy to write a nebbishy, nervous, high-strung guy. I hope it wasn’t too hard to *read*.

Oh, and second of all…AARRR, MATEY! Pirates!

Tonight was a fun one for many, many reasons. Sometimes, the split nature of the show is problematic. Matt Nix is a movie guy who’s only been doing a TV show for two years. That’s hard to remember sometimes, since he’s created such a good and original show. But because of his background, I think Burn Notice still occasionally struggles mixing the episode-long procedural aspects with its season-long arc. Not tonight.

One thing that helps a lot is the presence of Silas Weir Mitchell, the incredibly talented and very crazy Haywire from Prison Break. The B-story of Michael and Fiona trying to learn about the sniper rifle from last week doesn’t feel as much like an arc story as it does a funny, crazy, and ultimately disturbing scam. Seymour the Arms Dealer is played for humor right up to the end when things turn serious.

That doesn’t happen at all in the A- and very sweet C-stories.

Max Martini plays a straight-up badass, but of the kind Michael would normally dispatch in under a minute. Here, his nerdy drug expert gets to play off him for long stretches and it works great. It doesn’t hurt that Jeffrey Donovan gets the chance to use his dance training to good effect, completely changing his posture, physical mannerisms, and movements to really nail that role tonight. I’ve bitched about a couple of his accents this season and those really did effect the believability of those characters. There was nothing I didn’t believe about Jackson tonight.

(Quick aside: who thinks a nerdy guy named Jackson was an homage to Michael Shanks? I’d bet good money on it.)

There were a few really interesting moments between Fiona and Michael. In particular I liked her reaction to him saying she looked beautiful and the way the camera lingered over her in the opening scene during his narration. He was clearly bothered by her date. Then through the episode we were treated to Fiona’s frustration with Michael for interfering with her dates with her paramedic (I’d ALSO bet good money that the “paramedic” is Victor.)

But the emotional heart of the story was Michael and Madeline tonight. From keeping Virgil and his mother apart to calling her and bringing them together, Michael learned he can love his mother and protect her, or he can love her freely. She’s certainly happier that way.

Chin Bits

Hell, tonight saw Chuck Finley front and center. When Bruce Campbell gets that much to do those are great episodes no matter what.

• “In my line of work you stay in the shadows. So the name Finley is never mentioned.”
• “Look, we got it covered. We’re just trying to find a place to put Mike’s yogurt while we do the job.”
• “You know some guys who can help move a fridge? The cooler doesn’t hold much beer, Mike.”
• “You know mike, if you had to have a stepdad, you could do worse.”

Important Lessons in Spycraft

• If you’re driving a sports coupe off-road and being chased by an off-road vehicle, you might want to get ont he road and do something the lumbering beast can’t do.
• Dealing with an aggressive adversary, sometimes it’s best to show weakness so they drop their guard.
• Playing to preconceptions, like girls can’t drive, can help to distract people.
• Making realistic looking counterfeit drugs is easy. Vials of your favorite beverage and a little compressed gas and it looks like you could lose a finger to frostbite.
• “Dealling with a trained operative is like playing chess with a master. Dealing with a criminal on the other hand is like playing checkers with a three-year old. They like to change the rules.”
• Using a Zodiac to catch a yacht has advantages. it’s fast and can turn on a dime. But it’s bumpy.
• Navy SEALS are trained to hold their breath for 3-5 minutes under water. Retired Navy SEALS…
• Reporting a few minor crimes nearby means that there will be cops in close proximity if you want many of them to arrive on the scene quickly.
• Gas tanks won’t blow up if you shoot them. But if you have a few bags of acetone peroxide taped to the gas tank…
• Anyone who played soccer knows there’s a long nerve running down the shin. Kick it, and you can take your opponent out.
• Gunpowder doesn’t need to be in a bullet to be dangerous. Dispersed in the air, a muzzle flair can burn the whole room.

Parting Thoughts

No episodes for the next two weeks while the USA Network covers the US Open. Then just two more episodes! Okay, so that’s a lot of suckage, even if I’m going to get to watch and enjoy Federer/Nadal/Djokovic/Williams/Williams for a couple of weeks. I would mind less if there were more than two episodes to go before the break. Ugh.

And again: I’m offering to take bets. I say Jackson was an homage to Daniel Jackson, and I say Fiona’s mystery man is Victor. Takers?

What did everyone else think?